The last week of initial assessments has been quite tough, to say the least. I’ve been fighting off migraines and brain fog, and there were a couple of moments when I thought just making it through the day would be an achievement. As a student who usually runs a full course load and keeps several moving parts organized, being slowed down by my own body can be humbling.
Mostly, this past week reminded me how grateful I am to the people in my life. I’m glad for the help that I got from my friends, co-workers and my partner, Kahalla, for helping to carry me through a difficult period. I’m also very grateful for professors such as Dr. Dybala, who have led with compassion and understanding when students like me have gone through periods of great difficulty. It’s easy to forget how valuable compassion is when you’re the one who needs it.
The Pace of Everyday Life
Luckily, I am starting to feel a little better and more grounded as well. There is still a sense of playing catch up. Laundry still needs to be folded. Emails still need to be answered. The house still needs to be taken care of. Even the seeds that I have been cultivating seem to be wanting reverence and care that I have not always had the capacity to provide in the last three weeks. However, I am finding my way back to those responsibilities. Slowly.
What I am most grateful for is that experiences like this always appear to send me back toward the practices that sustain me. When life becomes uncertain or overwhelming, I find myself going back deeper into meditation and prayer. Something about being forced to slow down makes me realize what is truly important. Not just what needs to be accomplished, but who I want to be while accomplishing them.
I’ve been involved in a book club with some friends I met years ago during my undergraduate study at UC Berkeley. We have been reading Breaking the Habit of Being Your Self by Joe Dispenza. The book examines the relationships between our thoughts, feelings, behaviors and identities. It suggests that many of us unconsciously repeat similar patterns every day and, and in doing so, recreate the same experiences. It encourages readers to identify their personal patterns and to create new ones.
While reading this week, I reflected less on what I wanted to achieve and more on who I needed to develop into as a person. If I am seeking greater justice, equity and healing in the world of health and wellness, then I must be willing to grow into someone able to manage those responsibilities. That realization has been with me since reading the book.
Building Connections
We have some wonderful opportunities for connections on campus, as well. This past week, Garden Club planned a clipping exchange in conjunction with the library. I always look forward to seeing students trade plants, stories and growing tips with one another. There is something special about trading clippings. They contain the possibilities of growth, care and relationships.
Among other club events, the Fellowship of Christian University Students (FOCUS Club) held space for students to deepen connections with one another, spend time outside, and relax and play games on our beautiful campus lawn. In a program that can sometimes feel intense, I welcome opportunities to allow us to simply enjoy one another’s presence.
If you are currently experiencing struggles related to your education, health, family obligations or life in general, please know that I wish you love and gentleness. Sometimes we go through seasons of alignment. Sometimes we go through seasons of accomplishment when getting through the day is enough. Both are aspects of the journey.
Through all the trials and tribulations, I’m reminded of the beauty of nature and the vastness of the skies. We are held. And we are favored in this life.
