There is this lively little part of me at my core that I was
beginning to mourn having lost in the midst of school, but
surprise! It's waking up! The first time I can remember discovering
this glowing gold piece of my heart was when I lived in Wyoming,
and it brightened significantly when I lived in California.
Hunkering down to study, living in the suburbs, losing touch with
music and wild land slowly shuttered me, dimmed that glow, and
caused that spirited part of me to go dormant.
Sunset on a satisfying day in the clinic
I saw my first patients last week and the experience cracked my
heart open, in the best way. I also made the decision to drop a few
massage courses this trimester, including my clinic shift, which
has opened up more hours in my week and also lifted a large burden
from my shoulders. I'm taking only one massage class; it's perfect.
I get to focus on my priority of becoming a naturopathic
This feeling I'm welcoming home is hard to explain, but it feels
so much like me! I know I've mentioned before how my life here in
Chicagoland is significantly different from what I feel brings me
most alive. Maybe it's the realization that I have only one year
left, and that the wide world is waiting for me over there next
April. Mostly, I think it's the opportunity to practice actual
doctoring that's waking this sleeping glow.
For years I was intimidated to go to medical school. It took me
until I recognized I was ready to BE the doctor, rather than just
work for the doctor, to even take the steps to apply for school.
Now the end is in sight, and I have so much to learn! How am I ever
going to fit it all in to one year? I'm really excited and actually
totally floored to watch it happening. All of a sudden, there was a
patient in front of me, asking me for help, answering my questions,
asking me questions... And then there was another one! Another
patient sat in front of me, answering my questions, looking to me
(and my clinician) for answers. I guess I always knew this was
coming, but I have completely shocked myself by letting it actually
Lisa and me, and Wendy's FABULOUS lunch bag; it's how we
I guess this feeling that's reemerging, slowly simmering in my
core, is one of cautious confidence, of belonging, of good
trepidation and that delightful unknown. I'm treading lightly so as
to not snuff it out. Now that it's back, I'm going to do my
darndest to nurture it, which I think means being truest to myself.
I am wide-eyed and curious.
Wow. It's been an enormous few weeks since I last sat down to
write! First of all, I get to start seeing patients in the clinic!
The time has come. We've been doing something called Counsel
Practice with Dr. Marier, one of our ND clinicians, and we always
start this practice of speaking in a circle by checking in. If I
were holding the talking stone right now I'd tell you I am
overwhelmed, excited, thankful, nervous, and ready to learn from my
All of us 8th Tri ND students spent last week's clinic hours in
orientation, which was all about drinking from the fire hose of
information. We learned a wonderfully overwhelming mix of things,
from tips on how to work with patients, to the tedious checklists
to keep in mind, to learning the machinery that keeps our campus
clinic running. There is so much to learn!
Besides starting in the ND clinic, I am also starting in the
Massage Therapy clinic. After working on two of my professors last
week, I have been granted their approval (not without a list of
things to work on, of course), and will begin seeing real live
clients this week, eek!
In the midst of all this clinic-starting excitement, I am still
responsible for taking 10 other courses: eight in the ND program
and two in the massage program. One of my massage classes is called
Chair, Sport, and Trigger Point. I came home from our first class
last week to a message from a friend telling me how great he felt
after I'd worked on him in class a mere hour earlier. Positive
feedback from peers is so reaffirming! Note to self: communicate to
my peers when they do an awesome job… maybe it'll be just the boost
So, I'll be working hard this summer, but let me catch you
up on my exciting break!
Katie and me on Lobby Day.
On May 4th, I participated in the [American Association of
Naturopathic Physicians] DC Federal Legislative Initiative, the
naturopathic community's lobbying day in Washington, DC. During the
two days preceding our day running from senate office to house
office and back again, we had lectures and workshops on our
initiatives and on how to articulate our medicine. I left the event
with the realization that participating in democracy is relatively
easy! Showing up for a meeting with a legislative assistant is
intimidating at first, but after a meeting or two, the jitters
disappear and you have fun explaining what you do and why it
In the Library of Congress
I learned a lot and also made some powerful connections with
students from other schools while at DC FLI. We have some
incredibly motivated student leaders, and I imagine these will be
the people who rally in the public eye to carry our profession
forward as we graduate and become practicing doctors. I also
realized that our program here at NUHS is really excellent; it
keeps pace with the other, more established programs, and our work
alongside chiropractic students is pretty unique.
Exploring DC's botanical gardens
Not only did I meet and enjoy the company and camaraderie of
students from other schools, but I also got to know a totally fab
group of Tri 2/3 ND students from my very own school! Starting
clinic certainly makes me feel like I don't know anything, but
networking with students from trimesters past has given me some
confidence by remembering how far I have come over the past two
years. I fielded questions, offered advice, and learned a whole lot
about myself from my interactions with Mariah, Sarah, Katie,
Michael, Kolby, and Alex. Thank you all!
All of us from NUHS at DC FLI.
It's springtime! And so it is also, inevitably, final exam time.
Talk about torture...staying inside to study while the birds are
chirping and the neighbors are out grilling and chatting and
generally having fun without me; story of the student life. I've
started my tri-annual 2-week-scramble as I head into the last week
of classes, also known as the first week of finals. I have been
busy tracking down research (for a paper I have yet to write),
making checklists, studying modalities and psychopathology, and
writing up a business plan, while also filing my taxes, cleaning
the bathroom, and.... Do you even care about the details? Let's
just say things are winding up (and taxes are a huge pain!)
Last week's storm clouds clearing, leaving behind super green
grass on campus!
In between the torturous number crunching for my business class
and scouring PubMed for articles, I managed to get out to our
botanical garden season-opener party and pull last year's leaves
off an awakening Ruta plant. I also practiced massage in
preparation for starting in the clinic next tri (exciting!) and got
out for a date night with my main man.
Headed into the
Hanzi and I redeemed our Groupons for the King Spa over the
weekend. If you haven't been there, seriously, do yourself a favor,
you stressed out student! The spa has about 8 or so different rooms
ranging from warm to wickedly hot, the walls covered in all
different things from salt to gold to amethyst to coal. These rooms
are co-ed and everyone wears the same funny T-shirt and shorts
uniform (gals in pink, guys in grey). Hanzi and I started out
sauna-ing in the various rooms, our favorites being the salt room
and the amethyst room. Oh, and the Ice room also feels really
excellent after working up a sweat.
Once we'd had our fill of lying or stretching quietly in each of
the rooms, the two of us split up and headed for our respective
sides of the spa. In the ladies-only section, there are three
different temperatures of hot tub, one cold pool (eek!), and a
steam room. Each time I've been to the King Spa I rotate through
the tubs, then dunk in the cold pool, and move to the steam room. I
do this routine 2 or 3 times and I leave feeling absolutely divine!
(Note: no bathing suits allowed. You've been warned.)
After at least half an hour rotating through the tubs and steam,
I showered off, put on a clean pink outfit, and headed back out
into the common space to meet Hanzi for dinner. We ordered some
delicious Korean food with plenty of veggies. After dinner we
retired to the comfiest chairs on the planet and lounged for a
while, digesting dinner and letting our spa-ified bodies totally
relax. Around 9pm, we split up again for our respective sides of
the spa, changed back into our street clothes, carried our shoes
out to the entrance, and paid for our dinner before driving
Sunny spring day, brewing sun tea on my porch
I can't think of a better way to spend a few hours toguether
before our household goes into finals mode. Hanzi's semester in his
master's program at Loyola is also wrapping up, too. Taking the
time to indulge in spa time quite obviously counts as
"physician-to-be heal thyself." (See my last post for more on
this subject.) It also fits with this emerging spring.
Relaxing, sweating, and purifying at the spa mimicked the drenching
April rain we had this week that left campus sparkling green. I
might have a lot to tackle over the next 10 days (1 project, 1
paper, 1 practical, 1 quiz, and 7 exams), but after my evening at
the spa, I'm feeling more centered and ready.
So here we go! I'll be back in a few weeks to regale you with
tales from my break, and in the meantime, good luck with exams and
enjoy your time off!
Last week I mentioned the principle of Physician Heal Thyself, a
concept we discuss in our first trimester of school in our
Foundations of Naturopathic Medicine class. To my fellow students
reading this blog, when's the last time you pulled out those notes?
Reading Dr. Lou and Dr. Draus' words and the notes I made in the
margins reminded me of all the other-than-science things we learn
and must continue to learn. As Dr. Draus reminded us,
this is neither the first nor the last time we will learn anatomy,
physiology, etc., and it's not the first time we learn about the
importance of self-care.
I drove past the gym on my way home from school a few days ago
and wondered how I had managed to get there to work out every other
day while I was studying for boards and attending classes, but how
I had somehow lost the time to go after I took that huge test. So,
I made it a point to go and aaaahhhhhh it felt soooooo good!
I sat on a stool in the locker room after my workout and sauna
feeling like melted gold, and as I stared at my satisfied self in
the mirror, I realized, going to the gym needs to be a priority on
my weekly agenda.
Post-workout, reminded of the feel-good power of a
Physicians do not have a good track record of self-care. As a
whole, physicians are statistically more likely to be depressed,
sick, commit suicide, become addicted to or abuse substances. We
are more likely to have tendencies towards perfection and yet, as
Dr. Lou put it, there is no such thing as perfect medicine. As
physicians we must walk a fine, exhausting line between using
objectivity and engaging our emotions to care for our patients. The
profession as a whole has trouble taking time off, and we rarely
get a sense of closure or achievement as the process of healing is
never complete. And then there are the inevitable financial
pressures as we struggle to maintain an expensive business while
still finding ways to offer care to all of those in need.
Dr. Lou reminded us in
her Tri 1 lecture that we should take a page from our own book when
we ask our patients to please take care of themselves so that they
can take care of others; we must do the same. It makes me think of
my father's wise words that I hold close: "You cannot truly love
someone unless you love yourself." Well, as a physician, you cannot
truly help someone unless you help yourself. To this end, Dr. Lou
reminds us that "Self-care is not an indulgence -- it is a
responsibility to the work and to your patients."
Part of self-care involves cultivating interests outside of
medicine. We should all remember from our neurology and psychology
classes that a healthy brain works on a wide range topics, skills,
and problems. By diversifying our activities and interests, we
support healthy neuronal growth and limit our risk of diseases of
the brain. Robert Heinlein, a bright and controversial science
fiction writer, once wrote:
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a
sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the
dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve
equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer,
cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization
is for insects."
Champagne and conversation self-care, toasting boards results
and registering for clinic!
Now, I've got a lot to work on based on that list, but I'll
allow that building a fort out of sticks and pine boughs might
count as designing a building, and conning a ship could include
paddling a solo canoe, and so I've achieved some of these things in
their smaller forms. The point of sharing this quote is to remind
us students and future students of medicine that we should make
time, however miniscule an amount, to engage in things other than
learning our profession. And yet, we should also remember that
right now our job is to be students of medicine and that requires a
lot of us. It demands that we spend an extra amount of time with
this subject and this set of skills, for the time being. Believe it
or not, a time will come when I can get exercise by hiking and
skiing rather than biking indoors at the gym. Until then, I'll take
the time to care for myself in the ways I can, within the
limitations of the task at hand, and I know this will make me
better at my job.
Here I sit, on a plane bound for Chicago after a weekend on the
East Coast, listening to the air from the blower overhead and the
rushing outside the window as we taxi. The deicers blast the window
inches from my face with a heavy spattering sound. The engines roar
a little louder and I think of the rattle my cousin's smiling,
blonde 1-year-old used to fill my ears this morning.
At this past week's Nu Delta Sigma meeting, Nadene introduced us
to sound healing as presented in the book, "Tuning the Human
Biofield," by Eileen McKusick. I was the lucky recipient of a sound
experiment from my friend John, a brilliant healer and
doctor-in-the-making. You might call us crazy, but when was the
last time you checked in with the sounds in your life? It had been
a while for me.
The sim patient I saw this week in my Advanced Clinical Problem
Solving class complained of tinnitus, a rushing sound in his ears,
and was nearly deaf. This was the only abnormal finding on physical
exam as we searched for clues to the cause of his dizzy, vomiting
spells. When I made kale for dinner on Wednesday night, the leaves
squeaked when I stripped them off their stalks. The sound reminded
me of lemons and a crisp, cold, clear evening with a sky full of
stars, when the frozen snow sings underfoot.
So excited to be out skiing in celebration of one of my very
(She taught me to suck my thumb when I was 2.)
When I rode the chairlift at Cranmore Mountain in New Hampshire
with my childhood friends over the weekend, the chairs clunked as
only chairlift chairs do each time you reach a tower. I reveled in
the swish of skis and the crunch-pop of poles into snow, the whoosh
and shudder of skiers of various skill levels as they rocket
downhill beside you. There were also those split seconds of silence
when I caught a little air and my skis left the snow, allowing me
to hear only the wind in my ears.
Beautiful bluebird day in the White Mountains! There are my
friends, waving at me from the lift.
On Sunday morning, I listened to the coffee maker grumble and
splurt that divine bitter stuff into the pot. The bottle of
champagne made an adorable pop! And we toasted our friend, a
bride-to-be. We thanked her for bringing together such an
intelligent, fun, active and clever group of young women. Our
glasses clinked! I am back at school now, refreshed and
All the lovely, intelligent women in our PJs, toasting our
So now I sit here typing, my fingers trickling across the keys
making that distinct blipping sound with each letter. I spend so
much time using my eyes and my hands to observe and palpate in
medicine, but I haven't engaged nearly enough with my ears. The
more blood pressures I take and the more lungs I auscultate, the
more familiar those healthy sounds become. I listen to the normal
sounds in hopes that I'll recognize when they are different, when
the lungs pop or crackle or gurgle and tell me something about the
environment inside my patient.
• Leaves, Flowers, Berries, and Bark
• Farmer's Market
• Should I Study Massage Therapy, Too?
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