"Give her a Brazilian in Room 1!" This is the new catchphrase
around Stroger. That's right, we're giving Brazilians at the pain
clinic in Cook County Hospital. I occasionally worry that a passing
doctor thinks I'm waxing ladies in the treatment room, but the
concern quickly fades as I get down to business. This Brazilian is
all in the ears, and the only intimate part is the bleeding. I
always think bleeding is sort of a personal interaction.
According to a successful acupuncturist in Brazil, the best
treatment for relieving joint pain with heat signs is to tonify the
energy of the major internal organs, direct it towards the affected
joints, and then bleed it out of the body. How do we do this
exactly? Here's a sample case: inflammatory knee pain, let's say on
the left knee. It's painful, the area is red, swollen, and warm to
the touch. The patient often reports feeling warm, the pulse is
slightly rapid, and the tongue is often red.
The Brazilian technique is essentially a three-step process.
First, we needle the following points on the ear of the
non-affected side: Shen Men, Sympathetic, Liver, Kidney, Heart, and
Lung. Six needles so far, if you're counting. Then, we needle the
corresponding painful body parts on the ear of the affected side of
the body: Knee. OK, we're up to 7 needles so far. Totally doable.
Now we let those needles rest for a while while we enter the SOAP
note in the lovely electronic medical records system at
After about 10 or 15 minutes, we take those needles all out.
Next step, we get intimate. It's time to bleed the Ear Apex on the
affected side. I like to give it a few hard squeezes to ensure I'm
stealing as much hot blood out of this person's body as possible.
Don't worry -- it's usually just a drop or two.
What happens next? Well, it varies. Often times, though, it goes
like this. The patient stands up, wiggles around to "test" for any
perceptible changes in pain level and range of motion, and starts
to smile. "I feel better!" Pain levels are dropping from 10/10's to
4/10's in that 15-minute treatment time. Is it unorthodox?
Somewhat. Is it effective? Seems to be. Will we keep giving
Brazilians at Stroger? You bet.
Yes, I said "we." I'm
lumping you all in with me and almost everyone else I know. We're
wimpy. My sister said it best several years ago in a comment about
the "wussification of America." No, I'm not sure how to spell that.
She was speaking about the general wussiness of people these days,
and I'll see that new word and raise it to
another contextual use.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. If you have had a baby
in the past 10 years, you've certainly had to explain to a
grandmother (your kid's or otherwise) why baby has to ride in the
car seat for every little trip. "Yes, grandma, I know
we're just riding up the street to the corner store. Yes, she still
needs to be strapped into her car seat. Just because." Grandma
undoubtedly replies, "I never strapped your father into a car seat,
and he lived. He would ride all the way to Florida to visit Aunt
Ida every year and nothing ever happened to him." Then simply to
justify my own wussiness, I make up something about how I'll be
arrested if the police see me with my kid riding on my lap.
Some of you might not be
convinced about the car seats. They're important. Even I strap my
kids into those things just to ride up the street, and I don't
consider myself a huge wussy. Just start extrapolating this theory,
though, and you'll surely jump onto the "wussification of America"
bandwagon. We all drink light beer. Every kid gets a trophy. They
cancel school when it snows. I'm so hot walking the 10 feet from my
air-conditioned car to my air-conditioned office. I have to wait 3
whole seconds for my Facebook page to load on this old phone.
How does this relate to Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine? Well,
the wimps don't leave their wimpiness at the door of the clinic.
That is for sure. I can write this post without fear of offending
anyone, because I, myself, am a needle wuss. That's right. I don't
want to feel the needles. I'll needle you, but don't you
try to needle me.
Clearly I am not alone. Sure, you have a few patients who never
flinch when you insert a needle. They never complain that something
hurts or feels weird. These are the lovely "exception" patients,
and they are few and far between. Most of us recoil in pain -- pain
that is really just an unfulfilled apprehension of pain --
with the insertion of each needle. At first, I liked seeing this
reaction from patients, because it justified my own wimpiness. Now,
though, I've evolved. As I become less wimpy about needling myself
and letting others needle me, I think I subconsciously expect more
of my patients, too.
The people in Nicaragua
never flinched. We would jab those needles right into the sore back
or the tired feet, and the patient would hardly notice. Are
Nicaraguans simply a stronger people than Americans? Probably, but
I didn't stop there. No, what about the Chinese needling? So deep,
so hard, so scary for most Americans. Are they inherently stronger
than us, too? They want to feel that moxa until it burns a
blackened memorial into ST36. I would move to Japan, home of
"shallow needling," to avoid those 6-inch needles I've been told so
much about from the Chinese professors and clinicians.
No, I don't think it's
that Nicaraguans are freakishly strong or that Chinese people are
particularly masochistic. I just think Americans are caught in the
throes of the recent trends towards wussification. Be careful,
don't get hurt; don't let the sunshine get you! I reject
wussification insofar as I legally can, but I am still and will
always be one of the wimpy ones in the clinic when I'm on the
receiving end of that needle business. So, if you're afraid of
needles and therefore have not yet tried acupuncture, this post is
for you. If I can do it, you can do it.
• So What Is Chinese Medicine?
• Jabbing Nerves with Needles
• Mission in Nicaragua
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